The Comfort of the Cross

This afternoon I took a trip up the road to Walmart. This is not something I try to do often with my two boys in tow. But, we had been out of town over the weekend and busy in the evenings trying to catch up. The weekend was not going to afford any opportunities for me to run my errands either. So I loaded and unloaded the boys, and we strolled through Walmart picking up various items we needed. As you might imagine, the bus I try to "drive" (aka the Graco duo glider [it far from glides]) and more importantly the cargo I carry in it, the twins, draw much attention when out in public. Initially, I think people notice two babies, but their countenance quickly changes when they take notice to Judah's face, mostly all red from the port wine stain.

Some people inquire, and I am grateful they do. More people just look and then look away. Many children point as their parents try to avert their attention so as to not embarrass themselves or me. Today, it got to me. On our way out, one little boy too many pointed and said, "mommy, mommy, look at that baby's face; it's all red. Why is it red?"

I stopped and let it sink in again. My little boy, who I think is so beautiful and delightfully dispositioned, is different. He doesn't look like most kids. Even among Sturge Weber kids, he has one of the more significant port wine stains I've seen. And, today it bothered me. I started to tear up, beginning to give full reign to my natural response as a mother. But then God's Spirit graciously brought to mind Psalm 139, a passage that has been a primary source of encouragement to me since I carried the boys in my womb.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

As I have rehearsed that passage over and over again in my mind, seeking to renew my mind with the truth and thereby see my emotions fall in line, I have often found comfort and peace. However, today I was especially struggling with self pity, and I wanted to believe that I was the only one who had to walk through such difficult circumstances.

Once again the gospel came through with comfort I could not derive by comparing my situation with others. I remembered that Christ was no handsome fellow by the world's standard. Isaiah 53 tells me, He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering... Yet he is most beautiful to me and one day, I pray will be to my sons as well.

I cry again today, but this time my emotions are a response to the Truth rather than what the world and my own sinful heart wants me to believe. I rejoice that Judah will have a unique opportunity to share in the sufferings of Christ, and I pray that God will give me grace and wisdom to shepherd his heart so that he will rejoice in that opportunity as well.